The 11% We Hold Back
In the movie Interstellar, there’s a moment where TARS, the AI robot, explains to Cooper, played by Matthew McConaughey, that humans can’t really operate at 100% honesty.
He puts it in a very straightforward way…
Humans can’t handle 100% honesty.
So they don’t run at 100%. They’re calibrated.
There’s always a percentage missing.
And if you really sit with that… it does have some reasoning.
Because we all like to be honest.
But we’re not fully honest.
No… we’re not.
Not even with ourselves.
There’s always that 10%… that 11%… that we hold back.
That doesn’t make us bad people.
We’re human… bound to err and learn from our mistakes.
I had this conversation just recently… and it was brought up again this morning.
It got me thinking.
A couple of things that were shared stood out… in regards to our behavior, and why we can’t be fully honest.
Maybe we just don’t want to look like jerks.
We don’t want to come off insensitive.
We want to keep things good between us and the other person.
So we adjust a little.
We hold a little back.
We soften the edges.
Because saying it raw… isn’t always easy.
It can create tension.
It can land wrong.
It can shift the whole moment.
So we calibrate it… just like TARS.
Say enough truth to feel real…
hold back enough to keep things smooth.
And I catch myself in that too.
Like when I know exactly what I want to say… and I don’t say it fully.
Or when I soften something so it lands better… but it’s not the full truth anymore.
Or when I stay quiet… just to avoid the reaction I already see coming.
That’s the 11%.
That 11% might look small…
but it’s not always small in weight.
Sometimes that’s the part that matters most.
The part that’s harder to say.
The part that could change the conversation.
The part we hesitate on…
not because we don’t know it…
Oh, we do know more than we care to admit, most of the time.
But because it carries more.
More truth.
More impact.
More consequence.
And that’s usually the part that stays under.
Sometimes it helps the moment.
Sometimes it quietly builds pressure.
That’s the line.
Knowing when you’re choosing to hold back… and when you’re just being human about it.
And if you’re paying attention… you can feel the difference.
So the real question is…
What’s sitting in that 11% for you?
2 comentarios
I think finding that balance, saying what needs to be said while still being mindful of how it lands, is lifelong work. A daily practice, and not an easy one, especially when things are happening right in the moment.
You’re right, authenticity needs empathy. Without it, honesty can do more harm than good, and “I’m just being myself” can easily turn into being careless.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I reflected on this topic a few times in my life, had my own interactions with people who display honesty to levels that feel careless; yet, when the tables are turned, they can’t handle it. It confuses me. Admittedly, I still struggle with finding that fair balance between expressing something that accurately reflects my idea and being tactful in my delivery. That calibration you refer to, is the work that hasn’t been finished and probably never will. In a New York Times article titled, “The Fine Line Between Helpful and Harmful Authenticity” (2020), psychologist Adam Grant expanded on his idea that, “Authenticity without empathy is selfish.” It kept me thinking about the times I heard people proudly expressing that they’re just being themselves (yes, I can see how they openly show who they truly are), but we don’t exist in isolation, we evolved through connections, human and otherwise. Those are precious gifts to be kept very close to our heart and nurtured. So, what’s sitting in that 11% for me? Sensitivity (at least, that’s what I aim for).