Death Is a Crossing
Death.
What is death?
A doorway.
A crossing.
A pathway.
I have been there before.
In ceremony.
Moments where it feels like you are dying.
Where the body reacts.
Where the mind begins to lose control.
Where the ego starts to fall apart.
That edge where you think, this is it.
I have sat in that space.
I have watched others go through it.
I have held space when everything in them wanted to resist.
In those moments, it becomes clear.
Something is ending.
Something is being stripped away.
And if you stay…
if you don’t fight it…
there is a crossing.
there is a release.
there is something on the other side.
But this…
this was different.
This was my brother.
And he was dying.
His body was shutting down.
Everything it had been holding.
The pain.
This disease.
Breath by breath.
Moment by moment.
The body letting go.
The same man who had held space for many in ceremony…
was there.
For him.
For my family.
Realizing I never left.
This is who I became.
All the work… it was already there.
And now it was here.
In life… as ceremony.
Holding sacred space for my family.
This was not another ceremony.
This was his.
I felt all of it.
I stayed.
Grounded.
Calm.
Present.
Holding space for myself…
so I could hold space for my family.
2 comments
Merly, thank you for your words and for being there for me.
There are feelings that only make sense when you stand in that moment yourself. Like you said, there is relief knowing their suffering ends, and at the same time, we are left carrying the part that stays behind and figuring out how to keep moving forward.
Thank you for holding space and for your condolences 🫂
I am very sorry for your loss, Carlos. As someone who has also witnessed the passing of a loved one until their very last breath, I can say it is one of those rare moments when I felt both, relief for their pain is gone, and profound pain for the part of us that has to continue living without them. My deepest condolences 💐